Few years back...I was a person that have no idea about what is 'marriage' all about.What I only know is,getting marry,living with someone,have own family,with our Mr right.But never do I think so deeply what is marriage all about.Other than that,I put an "end" because I don't find it is necessary for me to think about.
Recently, come into my mind," I do need to think about having spouse now."Ngee~..*shy*..Well..as I am growing older and mature, changing from :
Girl => Woman / ladies.
I think,it is time for me to decide what I want my spouse to be..*Sigh* That is a hard part of my life..and yet, I started to think again..Do I have to worry about this? I am a woman..only have to take care of my deen,faith,MYSELF ,so then,waiting for proposal only..why should I make myself think too much ?
*Ting..ting..ting..* That's it! The world is so challenging nowadays..knowing what I actually want in my life,what is my priority is very important so that I can keep in line what should I do next.Isn't it?The question that come across my mind is :
Answer : Not ready yet..*responsible,responsible,responsible*..and having couple is not our culture..so keep away the thinking looking for spouse if you has not ready yet.
Yesterday, as I go online for Facebook , I went through all the post or known as "stories". There was a post saying
" Perempuan yang suka layan ramai lelaki tidak layak untuk jadi isteri"-
That post was quoted from an Ustaz who is quiet famous nowadays.(just know it is from a great counselor actually.)Well..that come to my nerve..Oh..what had I done..am I in that category ? How worst I am..
History of mine :
I was a very active chatter on net before.I chat with my yahoo messenger and Tagged.There,I met a lot of people with different kind of interest and manner.Hmm..too make it short,I build my social relation with some of those people that I met there.Not a special relation,but as friend.We did exchange our phone number.Last year,2011,had seen a lot of changes to me,I stop from being involved actively with chat world.But, the relation that I build before doesn't end just like that.Sometime we message each other,and very interesting part is,when we could share our experiences, knowledge and thought..But it still not 100% really good actually.I think,I had done wrong by exposing myself too much to guys..oh..inshaAllah..I am going to reduce that activity while time pass..I want a clean image and I want to change,make myself much better than before.In real world, I just get involved with my classmates,and seldom with people from other programs.*bad bad attitude of mine is wasting my time for online*
Back to our topic..Spouse..yes..It is no denial that we need spouse..but let it be for a moment..Allah knows the best time for me when to have spouse and who it supposed to be.Just focus what is in front of us right now. When the time comes, there will be a gentleman who is brave and faithful,seek our parent and ask for our marriage.InshaAllah..
Oh yeah..addition..as I am a mature person now *giggling*, Thinking about marriage make me think far away though..I think about what if my husband won't allow me to go out for work ?and, I want to raise my own children,give full care of them and getting myself paid also for work.Make it simple,what I want to say is, I want to raise my own kid(s) with my own hand,manage our household,full time housewife,in the same time,also being paid for work done.Thus,come to my thinking,what can I do to make sure that I can get myself paid at home? Hmm..*soaking my head*.ahaa!Nursery and landscaping!But that's going to cost me for my study..means,I need to change my program for degree.Let us see what will be my decision.
May Allah help we go through all of the obstacles...amin ya rabb..